Saturday, December 22, 2007

Things that make you go "Why?"

Why does the front door not close all the way unless you slam it? Bill says it's something to do with the difference between the seasons. Makes sense, but still weird.

Why does the products work way better on the TV commercials than they do in real life? And why in the name of all things good do these people look so darn happy doing them? I mean, I'm sorry but I'll never clean a toilet in my good clothes, and smile gleefully while I do it. Perhaps if I used the XYZ product, I would be smiling and happy. No doubt that is the point of the marketing. But you know, I've bought the XYZ products, and no they don't make me smile or wear nice clothes while cleaning toilets. I wear my grungiest sweats, gloves thick enough for a steel worker, the strongest product I can find, and a look of digust on my face. I HATE cleaning toilets. Yeech.

If you're supposed to eat all those fruits and vegetables every day, why couldn't they taste like candy? I mean, get real here -- chocolate, or an apple. A candy bar, or a carrot. Hmmm. Gee, let me see...

Why do people who wear a size 2 think they can give advice to those of us who have always struggled with our weight? I don't know how many times I've heard people like that say, "Well, just stop eating so much!" Yeah, it's that easy. That's why there's a multi-million dollar weight loss industry. Skinny bitch. A friend of mine said one time a DOCTOR said that to her!! Shame, shame, shame on him. It stressed her out so much, she left his office, and went home and ate a whole cake. Okay not really, but you know what I mean.

And why does Lane Bryant use skinny models for their clothes?!? I mean, hel-lo?? Fat people clothes?!? We are not fooled, nor are we amused, we of the weight challenged. Not for one minute do we believe that the tunic on the model that weighs 98 lbs. soaking wet will look anywhere near like that on me. Oh, and the smallest size they have? Is a 14. Yeah, how many clothes pins did it take to pin the extra material behind her back to make it look that good? Come on . . . give us some credit! Our brains are not so sugar-laden that we don't know you do that. Sheesh.

Oh, and models? Are considered "plus size" when they're a size 12. A TWELVE for the love of Mike. I haven't been a size 12 since jr. high. And I wasn't fat then!! I am 5'11" for goodness sake, and have a large frame. I DO! Honest. My "normal" weight is 150. And now that I'm like on the dark side of my 40s, my doctor says I shouldn't get below 170. Gawd I love that woman. Good lord, the people in the fashion industry need to be taken out and shot. With chocolate. Cripes.

And I? Am reading my favorite blog too much, and I am picking up on her middle-of-the-sentence question marks. Sorry, Chick!! BTW, I've added a link to her blog, "Jason. For the Love of God" to the right, and you've got to read it! It? Rocks. I've also added a link to my friend Alicia's cousin's blog, "Bean and Sprout." It? Also rocks!

And finally, why oh why are white pants made bigger than a size 10? Good lord, if you only knew what your butt looked like in those size-24 white pants, you'd just, die. You would. White pants make a skinny bitch's butt look big, for goodness sake!

One last thing -- have a very Merry Christmas, and a very Happy New Year. And thank your lucky stars that we were fortunate enough to live in a country where we have grocery stores full of food, warm blankets for our beds, heated homes and apartments, and two cars in the garage. We have enough money in our pockets to pay $4.00 for a cup of coffee, and $90 a month for TV. We are truly blessed. Remember, these freedoms are not free -- thank a soldier next time you see one.

God bless us, every one!


the mama said...! i'm laughing so hard! these are the exact same things i've wondered lord knows how many times! the whole lane bryant thing was so perfect...!

of course you can link to B&S. thanks for asking. :)

merry, merry!