Thursday, December 13, 2007

Pet Peeves

Ten things that make me crazy. Like you care, but it's my blog, and you're reading it, so, there ya go.

10. People who count their kid's age in weeks or months. Which is okay if they're just a few weeks old. Months are okay, until they get to be older than, say 18 months. Otherwise, it's just, well, ridiculous. "My son is 49 weeks old." I saw this today. On a blog. Why must I get a calculator out to figure out how old your kid is??? I mean, come on, really -- must you be that pretentious??? In that case, I am 2573 weeks old. Or put another way, I'm 599 months old. Oh hell no, I don't think so. I think I'd much rather be 49 than 599 months. I did get my calculator out to figure out how old that person's kid is. So, there's 52 weeks in a year, minus 49. Which means that the kid is 11 months and 1 week old. Sheesh.

9. People who don't control their kids in public, and allow them to behave like wild monkeys. Okay, I apologize; that's totally insulting to the monkeys! These kids scream, holler, screetch, kick, speak rudely to their parents and others, and their parents don't do anything! I especially hate this in restaurants, where parents allow their kids to cry, scream, screech, and don't remove them from the restaurant, totally disturbing other diners (me). For instance, I was in Target the other day, and these parents were allowing their child -- looked like he was about 24 months old (okay, he was 2, dangit!)-- to screeeeeeeech at the top of his lungs. I mean, he was screeeeeeching. We were right next to the door to the garden area which is all glass, and I fully expected the glass to shatter. It hurt my ears. Literally. I thought my ears were bleeding. Good God, how could such a sound come out of such a small person? How his parents could stand it, was beyond me!! OMG it was horrible!! I heard them say laughingly, "Oh, he needs his nap." Nap?? The kid needs a swift kick in the butt! Holy crap! Put a muzzle on that kid. Lordy, that screech could be registered as a lethal weapon. Ever see that scene in the movie Splash, where they're in the electronics store by the TVs, and Tom Hanks gets her to say her Mermaid name, and it makes all the TV screens break? Yeah, it was like that. Seriously.

8. Rude drivers who think that their lack of planning and their need to get into your lane supercedes anything else, including common sense. OR, there are two lanes, which they know perfectly well narrow down into one lane in a few yards, and all the good drivers are in the lane that goes through, they insist on getting into that other lane and zooooming ahead to the point where the lane ends, and then expect you to let them merge. Oh hell no; I don't think so!! You can just sit there on your arrogant ass waiting, as far as I'm concerned. Take your turn like everyone else.

7. People who get into the "10 items or less" line at the store with a heaping shopping cart, then divide their stuff into two sets of ten items and get their spouse to pay for the first ten, resulting in two credit card transactions, one of which requires the assistance of a manager. If they'd just had one transaction of 20 items, it would have taken less time than two transactions of ten items. Oh, and the first set of 10 is all clothes on hangers; some are shirt and pant sets for kids that have the pants on the clippy hangers, and the shirt on the regular hangers. And the shirts have high necks, which means that they can't just slip out; oh no! You have to unbutton it, or take the hanger out through the bottom of the shirt, but it gets hung up because of the clippy pant thing that is attached to the shirt hanger . . . . OMG. They ought to have two express lines -- 10 items or less, for no clothing items, and 10 items or less, with clothing items. Kind of like the express lanes that are cash only, and the express lanes that take checks. Oh, and if you mention that they have too many items, they say, "Oh we're dividing it up." Like that makes it better somehow, and you're a boor if you don't go along with it. This happened to me the other day at Target. Urrrrrrrrrrrg I HATE that.

6. People yakking on their cell phones while in line at the grocery store, and don't bother to begin writing their check until after their items are being rung up. The clerk gives them the total, and they go, "OH OOPS!" and then open their purse, rummage around looking for their checkbook, then trying to find a pen, all the while yakking away. Meanwhile my frozen items are defrosting and my ice cream is beginning to leak. SHUT UP and pay attention for goodness sake!!

5. People who, at peak times, pay for their items at Costco, push their shopping carts two feet away from the checkstand, then stand there, blocking the way, while they putter around putting their Costco card away, fiddle farting around. And it's so crowded because of the other idiots doing the same thing, you have to stand there and wait because you can't get through them. Then you push your cart over to the door, and have to stand in a line to get out. People, people, people -- you know you will have to stand in line at the door; put your freakin' card away in the line at the door!

4. People who smoke right outside the door, then walk into the room, and absolutely reek of cigarette smoke. Or they get into my car. Oh, I don't think so, mister! Get OUT!

3. People who live in this country (legally or illegally) from other countries, and don't learn to speak English. I give a person one year to become fluent enough in English enough to be able to communicate, including reading the language. I'm sick to death of having Spanish on every frickin' thing I buy. This is the USA. Speak ENGLISH. If you've been here 20 years and still can't speak English, that is no one's fault but your own, and I shouldn't have to stand on my head to accommodate you. I don't care HOW un-PC that is. You know what's frightening? The DMV gives driver's license written tests in several languages. Now, come on -- if you don't speak English well enough to be able to take a simple driver's test, it seems like a good idea to give these people licenses?!? Who reads the freaking road signs for them?!?!? Does anyone besides me think this is, like, nucking futs???

2. People who smoke and their smoke drifts into my space.

And my number one Pet Peeve? (like you don't know . . . if you read my blog with any regularity, I bet you can guess)

1. The smell of cigarette smoke. Anywhere. Period. Did I mention I hate the smell of cigarette smoke? Yeah. It's like that.

So there ya go.